2 years later

so maybe your wondering, maybe not. Yeap it's 2 years later and no I'm not there.  I am down almost 30 pounds and have kept that off for a while. 

I recently as in yesterday started Weight Watchers.  I lost about 15 of the pounds doing WW almost a year ago.  I'm doing it with a group at work so that should keep me on track. 

I get all anxious about diets. I thought it was the HCG diet but am discovering it's just diets.  I'm hoping this will help me.

BEWARE my feelings will be share.

I hate food! yep just wish I could not eat! I often do-this the problem. 
or I eat all the wrong food. 

I so wish I could wake up skinny. But, I've tried that for 2 years hasn't worked so now I will have to work on it.

MY WHY-
1. When people see my cute adorable 7yo they say "you look just like your mom".  I want to cry for her.  What 7 yo old wants to look like her fat mom who has a fat face!  and legs are larger than the pants she wore in high school?   Really- I know I think she is cute and she is but, I don't want her to look at me and think she looks that way!  I want her to have a possitive self image.

2. I loathe the day my kids friends  tell them their mom is fat.  I had many a days crying becuase kids were mean about my mom's weight, or the boy in college who says he doesn't date girls after he see's their fat moms as the girl will end up that way (and I did UGH). 

3. I have to teach my family better habits!

4.  I love to sit on the floor and be active- let's face it the extra weight prevents some of it, I can lie about it if I'd like but, it does!

5.  I want to live to be married for another 40 years!  My husband promised me 50 years and I'm going to make him hold up to it!

6. All the beautiful and cheap clothes! I love to shop, shopping for fat lady clothes is no fun! I want all the mall dressing rooms at my service! Choices, cuteness!

7. I'd like to her I'm beautiful! Yes, I know fat people can be beautiful but, let's face it 50 less pounds would make me a little more beautiful

HERE IT GOES- COME A LONG ON MY JOURNEY- I REALLY AM STARTING THIS TIME! :)

1st post

Ok I created this blog to help me a while ago. It hasn't helped because I haven't used it.

If you happen to find me all is well. I wanted to title this journey to a size 12 but, was afraid. Afraid I will never see a 12 again. I'm afraid I will never see regular sizes again. I have no motivation. I wanted a wii Fit got it. It doesn't work if I don't turn it on. I stopped drinking diet coke, so I started drinking reg. Mt. Dew. I have been much better this week about drinking water.

My body hurts as well it should I have put over 50 pounds on it in the past 5 years. and about 75 in the past 10. Old friends are finding me on facebook and I'm scared of what they will think. I'm scared of myself. I'm every thing I didn't want to be. My DD starts K in the fall and I don't want to take her as a fat mom. But, I'm not doing anything about it.

I have recently found out about the HCG diet. I'm thinking about doing it. Ihave never done such a thing but, something has go to change. I hate myself. and I hate that I hate myself as my mom use to hate herself and I don't want to teach my children to hate themselves.

I need will power and I have none. I'm on the search for will power and cuter clothes. This will be my journal. Come along with me and aide me in my recover.

I'm starting today at 5'2" and 243 pounds per my wii weight in.

HCG Diet Facts Blog

HCG Diet Facts Blog: "20 Minutes before your first meal of the day, mix the following together:
6 oz. Organic Apple Juice
6 oz. Filtered/Pure Water
1 tablespoon Liquid Chlorophyll
1 tablespoon Concentrated Aloe Vera Juice
1 tablespoon Hydrated Bentonite
1 tablespoon Psyllium Husk Powder (or Hulls, but Powder mixes better)"