1st post

Ok I created this blog to help me a while ago. It hasn't helped because I haven't used it.

If you happen to find me all is well. I wanted to title this journey to a size 12 but, was afraid. Afraid I will never see a 12 again. I'm afraid I will never see regular sizes again. I have no motivation. I wanted a wii Fit got it. It doesn't work if I don't turn it on. I stopped drinking diet coke, so I started drinking reg. Mt. Dew. I have been much better this week about drinking water.

My body hurts as well it should I have put over 50 pounds on it in the past 5 years. and about 75 in the past 10. Old friends are finding me on facebook and I'm scared of what they will think. I'm scared of myself. I'm every thing I didn't want to be. My DD starts K in the fall and I don't want to take her as a fat mom. But, I'm not doing anything about it.

I have recently found out about the HCG diet. I'm thinking about doing it. Ihave never done such a thing but, something has go to change. I hate myself. and I hate that I hate myself as my mom use to hate herself and I don't want to teach my children to hate themselves.

I need will power and I have none. I'm on the search for will power and cuter clothes. This will be my journal. Come along with me and aide me in my recover.

I'm starting today at 5'2" and 243 pounds per my wii weight in.